Member-only story
How to Hold Space for Others
Try listening with a present mind and open heart
This past year has been brutal. The pandemic has left few unscathed with some people mourning intangible losses such as shifts in routines and sense of freedom, while others are grieving more tangible losses of loved ones, homes, and all sense of what they once knew. When being tasked as witnesses to so much suffering, how do we make space for the unpleasantries? How do we practice being with others in their feelings rather than attempting to fix them?
Consider this scenario. Imagine you’re spending time with someone you care about deeply and amidst catching each other up on various life happenings, your loved one discloses some unpleasant and self-directed feelings. Perhaps, they feel like a failure or are questioning their worthiness. Maybe they feel shame or regret for some past decisions.
When someone you care about is suffering, you might find yourself being pulled into “helper” mode. For many of us, this means searching high and low for any insightful words of encouragement to “help” the situation — anything to remove the pain and discomfort.
You may find yourself jumping to your friend’s defense against — what you deem to be — their harsh self-judgments. Maybe this looks like challenging their beliefs or reminding them of how…
